HOW TO HANDLE HARD
CONVERSATIONS & LIFE BETTER
3.26.24
⏳ THE LINE-UP
What’s on the lineup card (agenda)?
This week we’re getting back into the Communication Game.
Your direct style of communication is not a get out of jail free card. Let’s learn how you can give tough love in less than 5 minutes.
☕️ THE WARM-UP
You mean I can be direct and not be an a** hole?
✅ Correct.
Have you been in a situation where your boss or coach gives you direct feedback after a rough game or meeting?
Or…maybe they do it live in the moment. And it works.
It probably doesn’t feel the best as it’s happening but after honest reflection, there’s truth to what they said.
One example comes from Billy Beane in Moneyball addressing an aging player facing retirement. This could be you getting/giving feedback or changing your role while handling a re-org.
Another example comes by way of Kara Lawson from Duke. In less than 3 minutes, she delivers one of the best speeches you’ll find. I took time to dissect and rate the masterful speech here.
As coaches (leaders, players, executives, parents) the best gift we can give is to call someone up, not out. But you can’t just go around slanging criticism without proper execution. Although he’s a man of few words, not everyone can be John Wick.
As coaches (leaders, players, executives, parents) the best gift we can give is to call someone up, not out. But you can’t just go around slanging criticism without proper execution. Although he’s a man of few words, not everyone can be John Wick.
⏱ GAMETIME
Try This Exercise Out
As my mother would say - “know your players.” This could be your team, employees, reports or customers. Give yourself time to prep, think about how THEY would want to receive the message and deliver. There are countless frameworks in the Google world but here are 5 simple steps I like.
Focus On NOW, Not THEN
Nothing is worse when someone brings up what you did months ago. We aren't keeping tabs here. Give feedback now. Don’t wait. Especially if it can help them get better.
Connect Like A Human
AKA empathy. Well duh. This isn't rocket science…but ask yourself the last time you had to have a hard conversationDid you prepare for it the same way you did for that “sales call” or presentation and think about how they would want to receive it (walking, talking, etc.).
Firm & Fair
Life is not fair. It’s hard. We just talked about this …but how you Handle Hard is the game. Keep the message simple, be honest and set the intention if you need to. If you need to let your top rep or starting player know that you need them to step up to be an example, then do it. If they can’t accept that, then you should be having a different conversation.
It Takes Two
Feedback forward for the win. Ask the person you are giving feedback to how YOU can be better or support them. There’s not always time for a cumbaya but there is power in you being open to feedback - and actually doing something with it when you get it.
Be The Cheerleader
Not just with the pompoms. I’m talking about proper recognition and encouragement. Be the one who acknowledges and recognizes the WORK. Not just the result but also the process. Care less about the Win and more about what they did to get the Win.
🏁 THE CLOSE
Highlights From Today & Sources for Continued Learning
Commit to spending more time than you normally do preparing for your next tough love conversation (more than 5 minutes).
Listen to Monty Williams in 2021 talk about the essence of coaching and what it means when you call someone up, not out.
Read Radical Candor - This is a staple by Kim Scott for organizations and teams that has a tagline that speaks for itself - whether you played sports or not. Be a Kick-Ass Boss Without Losing Your Humanity.
ON DECK
Teaser to What Leadership Pillar and Topic Is Up for Next Week
We’ll be discussing my favorite buzz word thrown around business and sport - authenticity. To bring this to life, we’ll be connecting dots between Opening Day and The Greatest Spectacle in Sports Entertainment.
