The Identity Game Worth Playing

Mar 6

Written By Charles Ruiz

Game #3

3.5.24

⏳ THE LINE-UP

What’s on the lineup card (agenda)?

Pre-Game: What is the Identity Game?
Warm-Up: The Difference is You’re Different
Practice: Self Discrepancy Theory
Gametime: Ought to be. Actually. Ideally
The Close: Commit, Listen & Read

🕹 PRE-GAME

What Are We Talkin’ About?

Your identity. In 10 minutes or less? Wait, what? Gotta start somewhere…

Today we’re going to demystify this concept of looking in the rear view by doing some of the hardest work you can do - understanding who you are and more important, how it shows up today.

We’re going to give you one exercise and a theory (with ACTION of course) for you to consider if you’re playing the, “Who am I,” game.

☕️ WARM-UP

A Little Context Behind Why This Is Worth Talking About

As a competitor or high-performer, it’s very easy to look ahead, lock in and focus on the task in front of you. It’s kinda the point when you’ve got your eyes on the prize…right?

You’ve probably heard a few of these quotes before…

Don't Trip On What's Behind You
What Got You Here Won't Get You There
Stop Living In the Past

Although there’s truth to these statements, when you play the Identity Game, you have to know where you’ve been to understand who you are - all of you.

Especially, if you are DIFFERENT.

In the 2023 documentary, Underrated, we get a glimpse on Steph Curry’s college days. One scene talks about Bob McKillop (his coach) coming to recruit Steph. Here’s a quote from the doc that says all you need to know about being welcomed for who you are…

“So, before coach left, my mom thanked him for the opportunity. The last thing she said was “don’t worry coach, we’ll fatten him up for you.”

The Coach turned around and looked at us and said – “Don’t worry about that, we’ll take him just as he is.”

Check out my take on why this is important HERE.

Now before you start thinking about the new you, stop.

I want you to consider that the answer you are looking for may not come in the physical right here and now. It’s likely ROOTED in who YOU are (were) years ago and not just what YOU do (have done).

🛠 PRACTICE

Example Of Someone Using A Skill or Framework

I went through an exercise with a mentor and friend of mine, Crista Samaras, and it centered around the Self Discrepancy Theory (exercise below). Not only is it important to understand for us - the coaches, leaders, mothers, fathers and professional high-performers, but there’s also a valuable impact it can make when leading and coaching our youth.

Identity can be a heavy topic.

This theory dives into layers on why it’s important to do the work (mental health, depression, performance). The reality is that it takes time.

Added bonus, your character is likely shaped from parts of this work in finding out who you are.

Don’t take it from me - take it from the GOAT college coach - Mr. John Wooden himself who eloquently said…

“Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.”

And if we are talking about fictional GOAT coaches, look no further than Ted Lasso himself, who also eloquently said…

"Boy, I love meeting people's moms. It's like reading an instruction manual as to why they're nuts."

Now, with all due respect (especially to the moms), Ted is onto something here but it has nothing to do with your mom, dad, uncle or grandparents. It’s about figuring out what your “instruction manual” is and where it came from.

So, how do we start to think about who we really are and what to do with it?

⏱ GAMETIME

An Exercise Or Thought For You To Apply Right Here & Now

❌’s + ⭕️’s You have to go inward first.

Take out a notebook or start typing out these three headlines.

I Ought to be
Actually, I am
Ideally, I am

Now take 3 minutes per category and write down whatever comes to your mind with these three prompts. Here’s an example

🏁 THE CLOSE

Highlights From Today & Sources For Continued Learning

Commit to a free-write of you writing down who you are (identity markers).

i.e. - I am a father. I am a coach. I am a speaker. I am struggling. I am inspired.
i.e. - I am a mother. I am CEO. I am an olympian. I am a sister. I am a connector.

Listen to the full episode of Huberman Labs with Dr. Shankar.

If you want a quick 30 second snippet, you can check out the 6:20 - 6:50 mark that talks about Identity Disclosure and how it stems from our childhood.

Read - This article in the NY Times about An Olympic Champion Goes in Search of a New Identity.

If you don’t have the subscription - you can see a quick summary and get my perspective HERE.

…and to officially wrap this up, I leave you with wise words from Ted Lasso who borrowed said words from John Wooden - told you I’d make the connection . Both leaders gracefully said…

“What do you say we do what the man/woman says and make today our masterpiece.”